New Year, New Beginnings

What a year it’s been.  My husband and I had our biggest joy and our biggest sorrow in a few months time.  2013 will be the year I will fondly remember of my little one that surprised the living daylight out of my husband and I.  It will be the year I became a mother and lost my child all at once.

It was also a year that I stepped out in faith and did things I thought I’d never do.  Physically, mentally and spiritually one of the most challenging years of my life.

After a season of intense activity, I’ve finally been able to breathe and catch up with my thoughts.  I’m still reflecting and processing.  Relationships have changed, perspectives have changed, life has changed – I’ve changed.

I started a ‘new’ blog thinking I’d be able to share the random thoughts that come and go but then one day I was angry.  I didn’t want to share.  I didn’t want to blog.  I thought that I was okay with our miscarriage, then I realized I wasn’t.  I realized all I wanted to do was be quiet.  And read.  I read like crazy.  I love to read period, but this was over-reading.  And I followed another blog and her journey thru her own hell of miscarrying and heard her cries.  All I could think was she’s saying it all for all of us.  What can I contribute?  I don’t need to say anything more.

Well, I’m back. It’s a new year, and although I’m not 100% happy with circumstances in our life right now, I’m content that things will work out.  Again I’m still processing.

I’ve thought about the times I have stepped out in faith and what came as a result of it.  Great joy.  And when there is great joy there’s a possibility that there is great sadness, but it doesn’t have to end that way.  It could continue with great joy – but I won’t know if I stay in the place of anger and grief.

So here’s to a new year.  A year of new beginnings, healing, hope and progress.  I’m not where I was yesterday and that’s a good thing.  Let’s keep moving forward.

As a side note, for a really encouraging blog – look up Wildfire Fitness in Portland, OR.  They are on Instagram, Facebook and the web. Seriously inspiring.  Follow them!!

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